How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
