she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
