nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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