dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
True strength comes from lack of pants
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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