I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
