He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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