She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
