saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
