I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
