i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
