I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
