This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I could fuck to npr.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
