You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
