Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
