if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
