I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
