but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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