Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
