Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
