First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
