just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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