She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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