Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
