i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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