I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
