On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
love makes seman taste better
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
