YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
