What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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