She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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