Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
