last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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