Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The beer is more important than you right now.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
