Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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