Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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