There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
