You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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