I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
