Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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