How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
