Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
