I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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