My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
