Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Alive.
So much puke
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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