saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
