Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
