yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
