literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
