Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
