I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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