Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
